I don’t know if anyone here could relate or not? But, just like the title says: Life just feels so limited. I don’t understand how people can say that we are free to do (or be) anything. Maybe only for those lucky people, but definitely not for everyone. At least that’s what I really feel, when I think about my life. It seems like anything I do just eventually got crushed & destroyed by reality.

Also, everyday a lot of people are trapped within the economic & financial, monetary situations, that they can’t just be ‘free’ to do whatever they really want to. For example: many […]

I think if I am alone on the 250th anniversary of our nation, that will really solidify it. I am nobody. I can’t say I will really do it then, but I certainly will know whether or not I have any reasons not to anymore.

This is what happens when a country’s leaders don’t poison their population with toxic chemicals in their water and food:

Meanwhile, here in the US, our kids eat tide pods o_O

This kid almost gives me hope in humanity. Almost. Still have nil hope bc the stupid and evil outnumber the smart and good by 1000:1

Also…how does a seasoned researcher use toxic chemicals in her experiments? Especially ones that literally affect the organism she is studying? Doesn’t that invalidate her entire fucking experiment?

Yet there are TONS of “studies” using terrible methodology that are published every day and the results we are told […]

It’s pretty pathetic that I come back to this place just because of the fun memories I have here. But in retrospect, I also regret not keeping in touch with mt Age of Empires 3 friends. Sadly suffice to say there and here were my first online friends. Although if it weren’t for my curse, I doubt I would think about this place. It seems like a tar pit. Most of the posts are by regulars who’ve been here for years… Sigh. We need to elect an SP president. Make SP great again! Lmao

I wasn’t as angry today. But I did feel dread. My advisor finally called me. Said “he’d keep his eyes peeled” and “good luck”, but not much else. Said the company was probably not looking to hire. I already conditioned myself to expect nothing. So I wasn’t as disappointed. But that was honestly my best shot. Now I’ve really got nothing. Can’t say I expected anything from him. Was never a good research assistant. Provided him nothing like papers or anything like that. So why would he help me out? Life is […]

The present tense word meaning to injure or the injury. The spelling for the past tense of wind which means to twist and spiral. Wound up. In this case I’m using it in the sense of “wound up”.

Tomorrow the work week starts and I’m already getting wound up. My anger isn’t quite there yet and the dread hasn’t quite set in. But I know the second I step into that hell hole warehouse, my brain will be screaming. This can’t be the way things are. Hating 5 (in my case 4) days out of the week […]

“Everyone’s entitled to their feelings”.

On the surface, it seems reasonable and something with which anyone can easily agree.

I am feeling deep, sorrow where only yesterday the feelings were positive, love of family, belonging, shared connection.

There is someone in my close family who is jealous of any positive family/friend attention I get—even if the occasion calls for it—such as recognition of an accomplishment or a milestone. Whether they are cognizant of it or not, this person goes out of his/her way to diminish it in some way, or just make me outright angry or sad. A gaslighter, too.

So now I am feeling isolated and displaced. […]

How did it get like this?

Hey it’s me, it’s always a while between every post i share, this one will be long so please be patient with me, i needed to finally vent. I was active back in 2022 when i was 19, i was still pure, innocent, i was depressed and stuck. Not long after i quit this website a?d almost forgot about it, i met someone online and we started dating, i went to college September 2022 and hell started. Even tho it was an online relationship, it never failed to make me feel objectified and seen as an amusement. He used to control me and […]

Why is it that nothing that exists for depression / mental issues help?

I mean, I get why drs and psychiatrists don’t help, bc they’re part of the medical industrial complex. The system is designed to keep us sick to maximize their profits. A healed patient is no longer a customer.

The majority of therapists are piss poor therapists. Have you had a good one? I haven’t. Why are therapists so shitty? Yes, I’m sure there’s a small percentage that are good. But why are the rest so damn awful?

Suicide hotlines or warm lines don’t do diddly squat. They’re staffed by ppl who read from […]

1…the poor
2…the sick
3…disabled
4…the abused
5…ppl with childhood trauma
6…ppl with shitty parents

1-3…if you’re poor, sick, disabled- you’re 100% going to have a hard time with life. now, not saying 100% off poor, sick and disabled are miserable and want to die, but a vast majority are depressed with hard lives.
4-6…if anyone has been abused, or has childhood trauma, or has shitty parents, you’d know that this shit NEVER goes away. Now, not saying everyone will never attain happiness, but the vast majority have pain, insecurities and have lifelong issues.

—–

B- Studies consistently show that society’s rate of happiness INCREASES […]

I’d like any information possible on how to achieve a relatively quick and painless death via suicide. I don’t need anyone to come to my defense wherein they try to talk me out of my decisions; unfortunately I’ve already made my choice and regardless of information here I’ll rig some sort of PC up at home with spare parts or frankly use a public computer in order to access a tor based website that will hopefully provide resources. If anyone can leave an email and would be alright with questions on how to go about my death I’d be much appreciative. I’ve been debating exit […]

Me- battery is flashing red/low/needs charging -_-

-the food pyramid they taught us was a big fat lie, taught us to eat everything unhealthy so we’d wind up fat and sick, perpetual money machines for the medical industrial complex.

-everything they taught is about Christopher Columbus (and Thanksgiving and Pocahontas) were big fat lies. Columbus basically genocided all the natives and cut off the limbs of natives in Central America if they couldn’t find enough gold for him. But nah, Columbus had a giant Thanksgiving meal with the natives and sang kumbaya is a better story to tell the dumb compliant masses. “History is written by the victors.”

-ducking under a little […]

I should stop keeping track. I really am just setting myself up for disappointment.

Where to start? Today would probably be classified as a good day. Played cards for a couple of hours. Had a sushi dinner. Watched the new Pixar movie. Didn’t even try to look for jobs today. Ran out of steam. People would say that these are the days that make it worth it. That’s what they would say. But I don’t want that. They are just mindless distractions. Things that make you forget about how much you hate […]

Interesting video. Lady’s mind is sharp as a tack and healthy as a horse. She’s healthier than most 40yo’s. Zero medication. Watch till the end. The last 3min is related to depression- well- the lack thereof.

(17min)

I’m not a perfectionist at all, I just really want to fix myself.

I don’t expect ignorant bliss 100% of the time. I’d like to think I am realistic.

But lately, I feel like there isn’t much I can really do.

I started a class in January to get a certification to move up at my job. Studying has been hit or miss, but I am really trying hard.

I’ve been going between that and keeping up with my apartment, but I’ve been neglecting chores and even though I am getting sleeep somewhat, I have moments like this where I’m just […]

Dec 15 was the last time I hit my drug stash, the hard stuff. Before that it was Nov 7. Before that it was every week and before that, every day.

Drugs aren’t the problem; life is the problem. I’m reading the book “War and War” by Krasznahorkai who describes the main character, suffering delusions that his head is literally about to fall off, being forced into a sketchy but inevitable path due to everything behind him burning up in flames. No choice. It’s essentially fatalism but fatalism by elimination. When all other “destinies” burn up, you end up with the only “destiny” left […]

The more time goes on the more I question if karma exists.

My happiness has been on a sharp downward trajectory since July. That’s when I decided to leave a stable relationship of 8 years. I had everything…love, loyalty, acceptance, and commitment, but something wasn’t right. My main excuse was disagreements on how to live together, financially, and family wise. After years of arguing, I decided to call it off before we would get married and a divorce would become inevitable. Truthfully I thought I was doing the right thing, but honestly I was also being selfish.
I broke her, I hurt her worse than […]

Id like to die by suicide, and even if I didnt have problems, I’d still want this to be the case. I want to have control over my own death, and not wait until Im old and too poor to pay for Healthcare, you know? It doesn’t have to be a depressive “woe is me” type of deal. Like, I just want the control. There’s something comforting about choosing to leave on my own terms. Its sort of like volunteering to go first when class presentation day has arrived. You deliberately choose to face the scary part bc it mitigated the elements that make it […]